This topic is on my mind because I’m working
with two clients right now who are getting very aware of the impact
their food beliefs and habits are having on their kids,
and so they’re wanting to build a lot more intention into
their words and actions.
We all have daughters, nieces, granddaughters, or friends with young girls.
I believe we have both a huge opportunity and a sacred responsibility.
Just by sharing meals with them, tables with them,
we’re teaching them about what it is
to have a relationship with food and eating.
So let’s do this intentionally, because every one of us has
a relationship with food whether it’s conscious or unconscious.
It alarms me that nearly half of girls in the U.S. are using
“diet/thin/calorie” language
BY THE TIME THEY’RE 6 YEARS OLD.
They’re learning lies from culture that they can and need to
“control” their appetite, and that how they look drives
their value in the world.
We have the opportunities with every meal to model
something different, empowering and healthy for our kids and especially, our girls.
Through our own words and actions we can show them
better ways to think about how, what and even why, they eat.
Please don’t doubt your influence on these girls.
Just think for a moment about how you were affected
as a young girl or young woman.
You heard adults, maybe your relatives or your mom’s friends
talk about their diets, shame themselves about their lack of discipline,
judge others they knew, or talk endlessly about good food and bad food.
If you were lucky, that’s all you heard.
If you weren’t so lucky, you might have had some of that leveled at you, like my recent client Rebecca, who’s mom (who happened to be a career model) constantly called her “Piggy” and took her plate away from her when she decided she’d had enough.
All her life she’d believed she was “fat” because that’s what she’d been told. It took us a few months untangling all that before she could stand calmly in front of a full- length mirror and really know this was a lie, to own and celebrate her body, her real hunger, and to trust herself with food.
We can heal from these experiences, but we don’t forget them.
What are young girls learning from each of us?
Are they seeing us love ourselves in our actions with food?
Verbally…. as well as non-verbally, we’re sending messages ALL THE TIME.
One of the simplest ways to model a great relationship with food
is to raise our own levels of awareness, which helps us and them both.
What you do:
Are you enjoying what you eat, or just going through the motions?
Are you distracted, reading, checking your phone?
Are you eating fast, so you can get on to something else?
Are you really “there” at your plate?
What you say:
Saying simple things that are true for you in the moment you sit
to eat does two great things:
It gives your kids a glimpse of your own process.
It helps you find out what’s true for you, and helps you stay true to it.
“Wow, I notice I just rushed to get dinner done in time for the soccer meeting. I’m gonna just take a breath so I can relax, and enjoy this!”
“This is SO GOOD, I’m tempted to eat it really fast! But I’d rather just slow down so I can taste all this yumminess.”
“I was sure I was going to have some of that pie, but now that I feel my energy, I think I’ll pass on it for now.” Or the opposite – “I realize I was deciding ahead of time that I wouldn’t have any pie, I was judging it as bad. But actually, I’d rather just trust myself to enjoy the perfect amount without over-doing it.”
If you question whether your child is eating too much of something that you think isn’t good for them (and who with a teenager doesn’t face this?! ), here are a few thoughts:
WITHOUT judgement, opinion, or so-called “nutritional facts”,
just ask them things like –
How do you feel when you only eat cookies for breakfast?
Do you get tired later at school?
What’s it like when you don’t eat lunch?
How does your body feel?
What if you ask your body if it wants more of that,
and then decide?!
Simple words that demonstrate that YOU trust yourself with food,
that YOU are learning how to savor ANYTHING and EVERYTHING you eat,
are what will teach our beloved girls they they can have
a right, easy, healthy relationship with food too.
Teach what you care most about. Let me know if you need help.
XO,
Marina